A few months from now, in June, more than 200,000 weddings will be held across the U.S., and no wonder: June, as everyone knows, is traditionally the most popular wedding month. Why not? It’s a warm and flowery time of year, perfect for a celebration of love and unity.
I’ve gone to many weddings, been a bridesmaid for one, and, I expect, will eventually walk down the aisle in my own wedding. I like weddings.
But a wedding, all things considered, is not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In terms of an actual marriage, a wedding is just one day in any number of years.
This is the unfortunate—and scary—phenomenon I see happening regularly: a man and woman become engaged. For the next several months or years or however long the engagement period turns out to be, one thing, above all else, reigns supreme: planning the wedding.
Couples have actually broken up because they discovered, amidst invitations and catering options and choosing a venue, that they weren’t working out together so well after all.
Even if you’ve never planned a wedding, if you’ve watched shows like “Bridezilla” or “Say Yes to the Dress,” you know a little something about this.
Yes, planning a wedding is a big responsibility and more than a little stressful. But sometimes I wonder if maybe a lot of that mindset is not so much based on truth as it is on social expectations.
Little girls often grow up with the idea that a wedding will be HER DAY, the day that she can be a princess, when all eyes will be on her.
Which is going to happen to some degree anyway, but if you focus on that aspect, what are you really trying to do? Do you want a marriage, or do you want a party?
One of my dearest friends got married last year, and I was so proud of the way she handled herself on her wedding day. Everyone was rushing around, getting things ready, and asking her a thousand questions about where to put this and what to do with that.
In response, to nearly every question, my friend said, “If you were the bride, what would you do?”
The wedding was beautiful, and everything was in its place. Most importantly, two people who were devoted to and excited about spending the rest of their lives together got to do just that, and the wrath of a crazed bride was nonexistent.
A wedding is important; there’s no denying that. And yes, if you have the money and desire to do so, by all means go ahead and have a giant party with every detail, down to the floral arrangements at each dinner table, specified to the highest precision.
Just don’t forget what the wedding is really about.
You know: the part where you wake up one morning, after the wedding gown has been put away, the gifts unwrapped, the honeymoon taken, and the thank-you notes mailed, and turn to see your partner for life sleeping next to you.
If you have made the right choice, what a beautiful sight that will be. A wedding is not worth its one night of fun if this isn’t what you’re looking for.
A wedding is a big deal, but a marriage is a much bigger one.
After all, if you go to all the trouble of an extravagant wedding, you’d better make sure the marriage lasts.
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