Dear Santa: freshman begs for better times next year

Dear Santa Claus,

I know I am writing you rather early this year, but I am not writing to tell you what presents I would like this Christmas.

I am writing to tell you about my freshman year here at Edinboro University, but I also would like to tell you what I would want next semester. This campus has been chaotic for three reasons, Santa, and you deserve to know why.

The first is where I live. I took a six-hour drive up here from Maryland and the first thing I wanted to do was lay in my comfortable bed.

Instead, I didn't lay in my bed; I fell in it. The springs were so loose it was ridiculous. Whoever owned the bed before me must have had a lot of fun on it.

Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to unpack my clothes. The problem was I wasn't able to unpack everything.

The dressers were so small I had to shove everything into them. My underwear were spilling out of each shelf.

After getting frustrated with unpacking, I decided to go on Facebook. My desk looked nice and neat, but one leg was so bent it made an acute angle.

What really shocked me was when I noticed that someone had written "I want to f*** my RA" on the bottom of the desk.

I don't know why I was put into that dorm, but I do know that from that day forward I have always despised the place they call Lawrence Towers, or as the people who don't live there call it, "the ghetto."

Next are the eating establishments. Thank goodness Van Houten Dining Hall was created. The first day I stepped into Van Houten, I was in heaven.

Pizza, french fries, salad, spaghetti, sandwiches and desserts were all at my disposal by just a swipe of my card. I wanted food, baby, and the large buffet provided it for me.

My dream of a place where you could stuff your face until you drop came true.

The dream did not seem so wonderful until I was in stall number two of the boys' bathroom 30 minutes later.

I was dropping bombs overseas; I was dropping the kids off at the pool; I took the Browns to the Super Bowl. There, suffering in the bathroom, I thought to myself, "there had to be some type of laxatives in that food."

But I had no other choice. I had to go to Van Houten because the food was so good. But every good thing comes with a price, and I learned that the hard way.

Last are the people at Edinboro University.

I came from a high school full of immature, childish, rude and ignorant people. I thought college would be a place full of people who are mature, know how to act in public, and have decent manners.

Unfortunately, I've run into too many people who love the thrill of starting arguments and getting mad about ridiculous things and who think it's okay to push and shove other people.

I don't know if these people were raised in a barn or just don't have common sense.  I believe everybody goes by the motto, "What can I do to stir up some trouble?"

In light of my experience here at Edinboro so far I'm asking for three things.

First, even though Lawrence Towers is one of the most social dorms on campus, I would like to live on a floor where the cops don't have to come in every weekend.

Second, even though Van Houten has amazing food, I need a place to eat that does not make me fire rockets into space, but be at an affordable price, too.

And third, I have met great people who have already made a huge impact on my life here at Edinboro, but there are people who need to disappear.  Since they won't, please tell them to grow up and help them realize that we are all adults trying to reach the same goal: getting a job after graduating.

So if you could give me those three things next semester for my sophomore year, it would be grand.

This may sound a bit greedy, but I can bet the $1.23 in my pocket that most freshmen agree with me on at least one of my requests.